Day 109: Operation HOPE...Hopeful

hope·ful

ˈhōpfəl/

adjective

1. 1.

   feeling or inspiring optimism about a future event.

   
   

   
   

noun

1. 1.

   a person likely or hoping to succeed.

Both of these definitions adequately express exactly how I'm feeling today!

Hopeful - adjective:  I had my second visit with Dr. P yesterday.  I had the same treatment I had Monday.  And, one distinct thing I noticed is that I walked into that office hobbling a bit, and walked out not!  I'm also noticing today that I'm moving around without wincing in pain half as much as I have in the last 4-5 years!!  That is truly amazing to me.

Hopeful - adjective:  I had another text dialog with Dr. C today.  Here's how that went:

Me:  "I took 300mg of 5-HTP with 1 P5P (the B6 supplement) before bed.  Status quo.  Slept well...no dream recall.  I feel rested and alert.  No headache and pain is tolerable.  Lower back feeling somewhat better from just 2 treatments with Dr. P.  What are your thoughts about me staying on 5-HTP?

Dr. C:  "Lisa, I think we need to ride this wave.  I am so happy to hear of this.  You are such a class act and deserve the life coming to you in the next six months."

Me:  "Thank you for that.  I appreciate your kind words more than you know.  So, do you want me to keep at the 300mg & still touch base with you daily?"

Dr. C:  "Absolutely.  We will switch to tryptophan at some point."

Me:  "Ok.  Sounds good.  Riding out this wave until you tell me otherwise."

Hopeful - noun:  I feel like a caterpillar that is anticipating it's transformation; it's anxious anticipation as it wiggles and struggles to free itself from its chrysalis, finally breaking free as a gorgeous butterfly.

It's as if my old, broken body is getting ready to just peel away so my new, healed body can walk forth triumphant!

As I said in previous blog entries, I'm healing but I'm not healed yet.  And, while that is still my reality, I have never felt more hopeful that I will reach the end of this journey and finally be pain-free!  Success will be mine someday soon!!  I cannot wait!

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends

Day 108: Operation HOPE...Baby Steps to No Pain

On Monday, March 27th I met with Dr. Proodian, the owner/chiropractor at Natural Healthcare Center.  This meeting was set up last week to go over his clinical opinion about the seroma in my lower back.  During our meeting, he told me that he didn't feel that the seroma was the cause for all this pain that I'm experiencing.  He feels that the seroma is secondary.  What is primary is the fact that I had invasive back surgery, which ultimately leaves a ton of scar tissue.  He said that most back surgery patients always have pain after surgery (which I knew), but not to this degree.  He is in agreement with Dr. Coetzee that my pain is due to a neurological issue.  He said that I'm caught in a cycle of pain that my body and brain isn't processing correctly.  Their goal is to break this cycle through nutrition, therapy and acupuncture.  If, for some chance, they can't get this pain under control in a reasonable amount of time, they will refer me out to a neurologist.

Dr. Proodian did a therapy treatment on Monday on my lower back.  It consisted of electrical stimulation with a heat pack applied to my lower back, light massage to my surgical area, and gently stretching, moving and pulling on my lower back and legs on a special type of table.  I have to honestly say that, although I still have pain, the pressure in my lower back has been less since then...different.  I feel as though I'm moving and walking better than I have in years.  It truly is amazing!

I see Dr. Proodian again today, and then again next Monday and Wednesday.  I will also see the acupuncturist next Monday.  They will determine next week, based on how I respond, how often I'll need to go back to them.  I will keep my regular appointments with Dr. Coetzee...and keep up with my daily check ins with him.

I am so amazed at the level of care and treatment that I'm receiving from this group of doctors.  I have never been treated or cared for like this in my life.  It is refreshing to have doctors who are constantly trying to figure out what's going on with me and why it's going on.  It's refreshing to know that they're not afraid of a challenge, and are not willing to just give up because one thing or another hasn't worked.  I know that Lord has led me to this group of people, and are using them to encourage me, bless me and heal me!  I just know it!!

Day 105: Operation HOPE...No More Meds!!

As of yesterday, I am officially off all prescription medications!!!

{Insert Snoopy happy dance!!}

I saw my general practitioner yesterday, and between the weight loss & awesome blood work numbers she was 100℅ ok with me being off all diabetic, high blood pressure & cholesterol medications! {Yes, I was a mess!}

What she didn't know was that I had taken myself off most of those prescriptions back in December/January. So, my blood work numbers were all reversed with this new nutrition lifestyle that I have adapted just 105 short days ago.

If you're on the fence about changing your nutrition lifestyle & habits, just do it! Let me encourage you by saying, if I can do this anyone can. Seriously! There is no magic formula here...just commitment, a little sacrifice, hard work and eating whole, good for you foods. I'd love to share with you what I've done in these last 105 days, & what I plan to do for the next 105 days & beyond.

I'm excited about what this plan is doing for my health & body, but I'm still battling some major pain. Would you please pray with me for an appointment that I'm going to tomorrow? I'm meeting with the owner/chiropractor of the wellness center I've been going to to get his clinical opinion on what to do about this chronic seroma in my lower back. While I'm there I'll also be talking to him & my nutritionist about the possibility of seeing a neurologist for the full body pain I have from the fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. My nutritionist is convinced that most (if not all) my pain is neurological related. Please pray for wisdom & a clear cut direction. I appreciate your prayers!

Day 103: Operation HOPE...Doctor's Visit on Wednesday 3/22

Just now getting around to posting about my doctor's visit on Wednesday, March 22nd.

It was a really good visit.  I'm down another 8 pounds for a total of 27.4 pounds gone since December!!

I had blood work drawn on Friday, March 17th, and my numbers drastically changed from when I started this journey three plus months ago.  I'm no longer considered diabetic.  My hemoglobin A1c went from 9.1 to 6.4!!  And, my cholesterol dropped 100 points!!  Dr. C was blown away.  He said that they normally don't see such drastic changes in blood work numbers in just three months.

There is still the issue of the chronic pain that I live with daily.  I'll continue to work very closely with Dr. C as he continues to adjust the 5-HTP.  I've been off it for the last 2 nights, and I see a huge increase in pain and fatigue today.  The reason I came off it for 2 days was because the day I saw him I was very jittery and had a horrible headache.  Dr. C felt that I was maxed out on the supplement and that I may have had too much in my system, so wanted to back off it a couple of days.  Well, I think I definitely need the 5-HTP, but maybe not on the dosages he had me on.  I'm waiting to hear back from him this morning.

Dr. C also put me on a mega dose of D3.  My Vitamin D level has been low for many years, even though I've taken 2,000 IU a day for years.  When he saw my Vitamin D level result, he immediately said, "We need to get that number up."  I'm actually taking a liquid form of D3 in a very high dose right now.

Dr. C told me last week, I need to work on de-stressing at least 2 hours a day.  I'm still not quite sure how I'm going to do that.  I've been praying about it since I saw him on Wednesday.  Dr. C reiterated that I will not get better with the stress that I'm allowing into my life and that I carry around with me day in and day out.  He said that fibromyalgia thrives on stress, and it will never get better if I don't de-stress and learn to manage my stress.  So, he said to me, "If I gave you a week to do anything you wanted to do or go anywhere you wanted to go where what would you do?"  I immediately said, "I'd go to the beach."  He said, "Then you need to go to the beach.  Walk 20-30 minutes on the beach barefoot.  Let the minerals of the sand and ocean, along with the sun, soak into your body."  So, I'm going to try to get to the beach a couple of times a week.  Dr. C also urged me to start acupuncture treatments, and then massage therapy in about 2-3 months.  He said that he feels that these things will definitely help.  I made an appointment with their acupuncturist.  I'll see her on April 3rd.

I brought up the fact that I still have this chronic seroma in my lower back, which hasn't been addressed at all.  I have felt over the last month or so that it may have gotten bigger.  Dr. C and I spoke to Dr. P (the owner and a chiropractor).  Dr. P is going to review my records and meet with me on Monday, 3/27 to give me his clinical opinion and suggestions on how to proceed with that.

I have certainly come a long way in these 103 days...but reality is that I still have a long way to go.  The reality is I'm healing but I'm not healed.  I don't say those things to be negative or to be a "Debbie-Downer".  I say them because they are truth...and are my reality.  

It's an amazing thing once you speak truth and allow it to seep into your being.  Once you lay the mask down and stop hiding behind the facade of "I'm okay...I'm good", and speak the truth of the matter.  The truth of the matter is:  I have a long way to go yet...and...I'm not healed yet.

I am in the process of learning how to truly be okay with those truths and my reality.  I'm learning how accept and to be content in this hard, messy, uncomfortable, painful, exhausting journey.  

A journey takes a lot of work, time and perseverance to get from Point A to Point B.  There are always unexpected twists and turns.  There are bound to be bumps and bruises along the way.  But, there are always sweet moments on a journey.  Moments of expectation, awe, clarity, reprieve and hope.

Even though I would never have planned this type of journey for my life, I feel as though I'm finally getting to a place of accepting it and letting go and letting God do as He will with all of me through and in this process.  I am learning to say "it is well with my soul" as I continue to walk this path God has put me on.

My desire is to come out on the other side much better than when I started...not only physically but emotionally, mentally and, most of all, spiritually; and, that beauty would abound from these ashes, and people would see Jesus my journey.

Take my word, there can be joy in the hard, messy, uncomfortable, painful, exhausting journey.  You just have to choose it!

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends

Day 100: Operation HOPE...One Hundred Days!!

One hundred days ago I said "I will do anything to be out of this chronic pain".

One hundred days ago my blood work numbers were horrible.

One hundred days ago I took the hugest step of faith I have ever taken in my life.

One hundred days ago I surrendered my will to this process.

One hundred days ago I radically changed my lifestyle.

In one hundred days, I have learned that true change takes 110% commitment and hard work.

In one hundred days, I have learned that years of damage take time and patience to reverse.

In one hundred days, I have learned that I'm not healed but I am healing.

In one hundred days, I have seen amazing changes in my blood work numbers.

In one hundred days, I have learned that I can do this.

Over the next one hundred days, I will continue to pursue wellness.

Over the next one hundred days, I will stay the course and persevere through this journey.

Over the next one hundred days, I will do everything I need to do to reach my goals.

Over the next one hundred days, I will be better than I am now.

Over the next one hundred days, I will keep my eyes on the prize...H.O.P.E...Hold On Pain Ends!

  

Day 1 - December 12, 2016                         Day 100 - March 21, 2017

Thank you, Jesus, for the strength and endurance you've given me for this race.  I pray that You will continue to give me the strength and endurance I will need to continue on this journey for the next one hundred days!  From my heart to Your ears, I ask these things in Your name...Amen!!

Day 98: Operation HOPE...Faith in this Process

I've had some ups and downs with trying to get the right dose of the 5-HTP.  The last two days I woke up very fatigued, jittery and moody.  I wound up reached out to Dr. C this morning because I just didn't like how I felt.

I explained to him all that I've been following everything he told me to do, and the only think I can contribute my pain and fatigue to is that I've been pushing myself and doing much more than I have since 4-6 weeks ago {when things were really bad}.

Dr. C told me that the jitteryness is a good sign.  It's showing him that my serotonin levels are getting filled up.  He refers to it as "filling up the gas tank".  I need to cut the 5-HTP back from 700mg to 500mg.  So, I'll do that.

He further stated that we need to pursue me seeing a neurologist.  I will see him on Wednesday at my next appointment.  We'll talk more about that when I see him.

Dr. C stated that stress will never improve fibromyalgia.  He said that we also need to talk about me relaxing and destressing; he said I need to "work on a lifestyle of relaxation".

Dr. C suggested starting with Epsom salt baths.  Epsom salt contains tons of magnesium which is both healing and relaxing, and great for headaches.  I told him that I would go out and buy some and try that tonight.

His response was, "Yes...but take time for you in the tub, and soak it up, chill out!!!!!!!!"

This made me laugh.  It seems as though he's getting to know me since he felt the need to stress that I need to "chill out"!

After that, he said, "We have to work on two hours a day of destressing for you."

What?!?  Two hours a day?!?  Maybe he doesn't really know me at all!

My response was, "Two hours?!?  I'm looking forward to hearing your suggestions because based on my commitments and responsibilities that seems near impossible to me right now.  But, I'm open to anything...& have told you from the beginning that you just tell me what to do & I'll do it.  I trust you & have faith in this process."

To which, his simple reply was, "We will chat."

I see him on Wednesday, and am looking forward to that chat.

I did take his advice, and bought the Epsom salt.  I sat in the tub for 20-30 minutes and read.  Can't remember the last time I've done something like that.  I've been in a semi-coma since.

I'm doing everything Dr. C has told me to do, and I will continue to do everything he tells me to do.

I have faith in this process...and faith in the One {Jesus} who led me to this process.

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends!

Day 93: Operation HOPE...Too Much of a Good Thing!

Supplements are good.  But, just because a supplement is natural, it doesn't mean that it's always good for you.  Actually, it sometimes it can be too much of a good thing.  Which is precisely why you should take them under the advisement of a trusted, educated doctor.  I'm so thankful this morning that's exactly what I have in Dr. C.

As I stated in my last blog post, I was instructed by Dr. C to up the dose of 5-HTP last night {Monday} to 1,000 mg, which I did.  It wound up that this was WAY too much for my body!!!!

WAY. TOO. MUCH!!!

I had a really rough night {one of the roughest I've had in the last ten nights}.  I was very restless; up and down all night.  And, as of 4:00 am., although very tired, I was wide awake.  My brain going a million miles a minute.  I had absolutely no dream recall this morning.  I've also noticed an increase in pain today.  I'm not sure if it's because I didn't sleep well or because of this Nor'easter we're getting here today in NJ.  And, I've been very jittery since I woke at 4:00 am.

I reached out to Dr. C this morning, and gave him all these details.  He immediately got back to me and said, "we hit the max, we need to go back to about 700 mg."  The plan now is to go back down to 700 mg for the next two nights, and then contact him on Thursday {unless I need to before}.

I'm so grateful that I have a doctor who is educated, has a passion for helping people, doesn't stop trying because one thing doesn't work, researches and keeps trying to figure what's going on with me, gets back to me immediately and is 100% understanding and sympathetic to what I've been through and what I'm going through.  A true diamond in the ruff!

I absolutely know the Lord brought me to the end of myself in November 2016 so that I would literally try absolutely anything to get better.  And, I'm so grateful that this "anything" led me to Dr. C.

I have great hope and faith in this process.  Although not always easy, I know that it's all working for my good and that I'm healing.

Faith...
Hope...
Dedication...
Perseverance...
Slow and steady wins the race...

With God's help and strength, I will finish and win this race!!

H.O.P.E = Hold On Pain Ends!

Day 92: Operation HOPE...Is That a Glimmer of Light?

Do I dare say, "Is that a glimmer of light at the end of this long tunnel?"  It just might be!

In my last post on March 4th, I was going on a month of horrible brain fog, pain and a headache.  I had been experiencing those symptoms for a full month.  That afternoon, I spoke with Dr. C.  He told me that, at that point, he didn't feel that my issues were due to inflammation.  After some conversation, he then was leaning more toward this being a neurological {central nervous system} issue.  That night he started me on a 300 mg of 5-HTP.  That was ten nights ago.  Every morning for the first six days, I contacted Dr. C and gave him an update of how I was feeling.  During those six days, he gradually upped the dose.  On Friday, 3/10, he told me to take 700 mg for the next three days and contact him on Monday {today}.  I contacted him today, and now he's upped me to 1,000 mg for the next three days. 

Why is he doing this?   He's trying to up my serotonin level.  Why is he trying to up my serotonin level?  Remember I said he's thinking this is now a neurological issues?  Well, during the conversation I had with him on March 4th, I shared with him that years ago I took Cymbalta, and it actually worked.  I had three great days of less pain, however, the down side was my brain wouldn't shut off...I didn't sleep for three nights.  So, I had to stop taking it.  Once I stopped taking it, I slept just fine, but the pain was back full force.  He found this quite interesting.  That's when he started leaning toward this being a neurological issue and a serotonin deficiency {so to speak}.

Here's what "Health - How Stuff Works" has to say about Cymbalta and serotonin:  "Cymbalta is an SNRI, or a serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor.  That means that Cymbalta, along with other SNRIs, is thought to work by affecting the levels of two key substances in the central nervous system:  serotonin and norepinephrine.  Serotonin and norepinephrine are naturally occurring substances in the brain and the spinal cord, and they're tasked with modulating your emotional responses and communicating those responses to other parts of the brain.  Additionally, serotonin and norepinephrine help your body to suppress pain...serotonin and norepinephrine can also affect how much pain you feel."

Now, here's what the "University of Maryland Medical Center" has to say about 5-HTP:  "5-hdroxytryptophan (5-HTP) is a chemical that the body makes from tryptophan (an essential amino acid that you get from food).  After tryptophan is converted to 5-HTP, the chemical is changed into another chemical called serotonin (a neurotransmitter that relays signals between brain cells).  5-HTP dietary supplements help raise serotonin levels in the brain.  Since serotonin helps regulate mood and behavior, 5-HTP may have a positive effect on sleep, mood, anxiety, appetite, and pain sensation."

Basically, 5-HTP is a dietary supplement with the same components of Cymbalta.  Who knew?!?  In addition to the 5-HTP, Dr. C put me on a specific B6 supplement that I need to take along with the 5-HTP.  The B6 is to help the 5-HTP convert/absorb into my system.

In ten short days, since taking the 5-HTP, the brain fog I was experiencing is totally gone, I'm sleeping much better than I have in years, I'm having dream recall every day {which according to Dr. C is HUGE}, my attitude and demeanor is much better, and although the pain is still present, it is much more tolerable and manageable than it has been in awhile.  I'm still feeling quite tired, but not any where near as exhausted as I was feeling.  Dr. C assures me that the tiredness will go away once my serotonin level has reached a normal level.  He said that it could take anywhere in between 1-3 months.  I'm truly okay with that, as long as I continue to see these gradual, positive changes.

If this continues, I may need to start wearing my sunglasses all the time!  I think that the light at the end of this long tunnel will just get brighter and brighter!  And, I'm so ready for that!  I can't wait to be walking on sunshine all the time!!

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends!!

From the Archives: Two Years Ago Today

Below is a Facebook post from 2 years ago today. I had my second back surgery. That time was to remove the seroma from my back. It's funny how, even though the circumstances are a bit different, in many ways I'm still in the same position. But, I do know that God is not wasting any of this. I've learned and grown in many areas, and I'm still learning and growing in many other ways. My hope remains firm...that one day I will be free from the bondage of all this pain. I'm so thankful that God's grace is sufficient, and that in Him I have the strength to endure and move forward despite this season of chronic pain. His mercies are new every morning! Great is His faithfulness!

Lisa Sheldon

March 9, 2015 · 

2 weeks post-op: Wow! I cannot believe it's only been 2 weeks since my surgery. It feels like it was months ago!! To be totally transparent, I really don't like where I'm at. I've had quite a few weepy days this week as I'm continuing to deal with fatigue, lack of strength, surgical pain and intense itching at the surgical site & drain sites. I'm SO tired...tired physically and mentally. Right now, I would rather be getting ready for co-op, being out and about with my kiddos. But, that's not where I'm at right now. *sigh....SIGH* In the midst of the pain and frustrations, I have to keep reminding myself and focusing on the truth in my heart...the Lord is good...and He is faithful to His Word. He has reminded me, through my sweet friends and family, that there is a purpose in all this (although I don't see it yet)...and that He will use (and is using) this time for His glory. It is most definitely not by my strength that I have endured and gotten this far...it's totally by God's grace and love for me...nothing else. So, because of that, in my pain, fatigue and frustrations, I continue on...enduring in this season the Lord has allowed in my life for whatever the reason. It's not easy...there are many days I want to crawl into a ball and just give up. But, I am reminded...His GRACE is SUFFICIENT...and there is a bigger picture and purpose to this all! 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "And He [the Lord] has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." This is the deep rooted desire of my heart.

Day 83: Operation HOPE...Will This Pain EVER End?

I've been quiet again.  Yes, I know.  There hasn't been any changes to report...unfortunately.  The new supplement, Arthoban, did not work AT ALL.  And, the last 2-3 days have been absolutely horrible.  The low grade headache that I've had for 3-4 weeks turned into a full blown headache...and the pain throughout my body has been unbearable.  I literally hurt from head to toe...and have this horrible tingling and burning sensation in my neck, shoulders and spine.  It's all so crazy to me.

I spoke to Dr. C. this afternoon.  The long and the short of it is that he now doesn't think this is an inflammatory issue.  The reason being because I've been on an anti-inflammatory diet for almost 3 months, and he's given me two pretty potent pain-blocker/anti-inflammatory supplements that should have done something by now...and they haven't.  He told me at one point that I'm a very interesting case, and is just as frustrated as I am with the lack of results.

In our conversation he asked me if I ever saw a neurologist and had a neurological work up.  I told him no.  All this time, I've been treated as if I had inflammatory and muscular issues.  No one ever suggested neurological.  Dr. C. said that based on the fact that everything I've done to try and reverse inflammation isn't working, he is leaning, now, more toward a neurological {central nervous system} issue.  So, with that, he's starting me on a high dose of 5-HTP {which I'll start tonight}, and then will help me find a neurologist that he can work alongside.

So...that's my story.  The plan right now is to continue with my nutrition plan; start the 5-HTP tonight; contact Dr. C. tomorrow to let him know how I'm feeling after taking the mega dose of 5-HTP; follow his instructions from there; wait for him to call me Monday with the name of a neurologist.

This journey is certainly not what I would have chosen for my life, but for some reason God has allowed me to walk this road.  I will continue to persevere through this...not by my strength {because I really have none} but by God's strength...in the hope that one day I can say "I have no pain"!