Take Me Out To The Ballgame!

My family and I went to First Energy Park in Lakewood to see the Blue Claws game last night.  I was so glad that I was feeling well enough to head out and share this night with my family.

I had heard that Tim Tebow was playing for the other team, and really wanted to get there to see him play.  Every year my husband's office gets season passes and makes them available to their employees.  So, we were able to get tickets on the first base line for last night's game.  So exciting!

It was a beautiful night surrounded by the three people I love the most in this world.

Our seats were awesome!

Tebow Time!!  It was so great to see this amazing young man in person.  I've been following him for a few years.  I appreciate him and what he stands for.  He's a class act!

 

I want to share my personal experience with trying to find "safe food" for me at the ballpark last night.  Most places, including this ballpark, does not allow you to bring in outside food.  The day got away from me, and I didn't eat supper before we went.  I wasn't too concerned because I thought for sure I'd be able to find something.  {Read on to see that I really learned my lesson to plan ahead!!}

Because of the nutrition plan I'm on, I cannot have gluten, dairy or soy {among other things}.  I went to the information booth and asked if there was a place that could accommodate me.  They gave us passes to go to their restaurant which is located where the boxes are.  We went up there, and we were told that we couldn't get something to go.  Since I didn't want to miss 30+ minutes of the game, we went back downstairs to the concession stand.  I saw a turkey burger on the menu, so I decided that's what I would get without the bun.  Well, when I ordered it, I was told that they didn't have any more turkey burgers.  I tried one more place that was cooking hibachi type food thinking I could have them leave off the sauce.  Well, everything was marinated in teriyaki sauce {which has soy in it}.  So, that was out.  I was frustrated and hungry!  But, there was nothing I could do but drink water.

A little while later, my son got up from his seat.  I thought he was going to the restroom but when he came back he had a "to go" box in his hand.  When I opened the box, there was a piece of grilled chicken, two slices of tomato, lettuce, onion, two pickles & fries {which I'm not supposed to have...but had a few...which I won't ever do again.  They were so gross to me!!  YUCK!!}.  I looked at him with tears in my eyes.  I asked him where he got it.  He said that he went back up to the restaurant and asked them if he could order something to go.  They told him yes, and that's what he ordered for me {don't know why we were told at first we couldn't get stuff to go}.  I asked how he paid for it, and he said, "I have money."  {He's a working man now...LOL!}.  And, then I said, you didn't have to do this, and he said, "Yes I did.  You had to eat."

What a sweet act of kindness and service my son gave me last night.  It still overwhelms me of his care and concern for me.  I'm blown away that he used his own money to buy me a safe dinner for me to eat.  I'll never know what I've done to deserve to be his mother!  I'm so glad he's mine!!  My heart is so blessed and encouraged by him.

All in all it was an amazing night with my wonderful family!!  Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of my family and the night that we shared together!

Day 155: Operation HOPE...Still Recuperating

Ann Voskamp posted this picture on Facebook.  It was the first thing I saw when I opened my news feed this morning.

This is not the first time one of Ann Voskamp's posts was exactly what I needed when I needed it.  Over the last few years, the Lord has used her words and posts to encourage and bless my heart.  Today was no exception.

It's been 13 days since I started this last round of detox shakes, and 4 days since I've been totally off it.  Believe it or not, I'm still recuperating!  This round was no joke...and I didn't even finish it!

I started doing the detox on May 4th.  By May 8th I started experiencing more severe symptoms.  On May 10th Dr. C told me to do the shake every other day.  So, I didn't take it on May 11th, but did on May 12th.  By the evening of May 12th, my body hit a brick wall.  I had a full blown migraine and could barely function because of the debilitating pain I was experiencing.  I literally spent Saturday & Sunday (May 13th and May 14th) in bed.  I slept most of this last weekend away.  And, when I was awake, was dealing with unbelievable full body pain, headache, nausea, vomiting and was very light headed.  Dr. C referred to all this as a "healing crisis" called "Herxheimer Reaction/Effect".  I talked about this in my last blog post dated May 13th.  As of today (May 16), I'm still feeling the effects of this "healing crisis".  I'm certainly better than I was over the weekend, but still have a mild headache, full body pain, nausea and just not feeling myself.

I saw Dr. C yesterday, and despite all that's going on, he's encouraged that my body reacted so quickly to this detox.  He said that it's showing him that my body is really healing (even though it doesn't feel like it).  The last detox it took me close to 3 weeks to get to this point, and my symptoms weren't as bad then as they were/are now.  With this round, I started experiencing symptoms in just 4 days.  In a healing perspective, that's huge!  He likened it to chiseling away at layers and layers of paint.  He said the first few layers take a lot of time an energy, but as you get down to the surface it becomes quicker and easier.  That's what's going on with my body.  I'm chiseling away at all the garbage that has built up in my body all the years of my life (really), and as I continue on this journey, because of how clean I'm eating and the supplements I'm taking it's getting easier and easier for my body to do what it needs to do...heal.  That was encouraging to me.

I did wind up taking a few pain pills over the weekend because I just couldn't take the pain any longer.  I told Dr. C that I was really surprised at how they effected me.  I took Percocet for years for my pain.  All it would do is relax me, and it NEVER worked on a headache.  I remember times where I took double the prescription when I had a headache and it wouldn't even touch it.  This weekend, not only did it really help with my full body pain, but it also helped with my headache pain.  I was shocked.  Dr. C said that is telling him that my liver is clean and processing the way that it should.  As a side note:  Both of us are not happy that I had to use synthetic medication to help me this weekend, but we both are in agreement that I had to do what I had to do at this point.  And, he actually was the one to suggest that I take the pain pill.

My reality is that I will need to continue to detox through this journey.  I've known this all along.  But, Dr. C told me that he will never have me on a detox for days on end.  What I will most likely will do is do them 1 day on and 10 days off.  He said it will take more time, but the end result will ultimately be the same.  I'm very okay with that.  I really do not want to experience this again.

I asked a very hard question yesterday.  It's been rolling through my mind for a week now.  I asked him if he thought I'm "sicker" than we thought when I first presented my case to him in December.  And, he said "Yes, it's very possible".  I wasn't shocked by his response because in my heart I already knew.  I knew by the fact that I'm doing every single thing that he's telling me to do and I'm just not getting over the hump.  I knew because I can just feel it.  This pain is constant, real and oppressive at times.  Fibromyalgia is no joke.

At this point, Dr. C is going to shift his focus onto trying to really get to the bottom of this Fibro pain.  He reached out to a colleague yesterday, and will then be forming a game plan as to how to proceed with me.  Until then, I'm off the detox most likely until the summer or we get a handle on this pain (whichever comes first), and I'm to just focus on recuperating from this round of detox.  That means basically rest as much as I can...which will be easy because I really do not have the stamina to do much right now.

I ran the gamut of emotions yesterday.  I was all over my emotional map.  I went from anxious to sad to frustrated to encouraged to hopeful to grateful.  Tears flowed.  I made a conscious effort to breathe...deep sighs and cleansing breaths.  I've said it before...I'm not healed but I am healing...and...healing hurts!  There are no two ways about it.  This is my reality.  This is where I am.  I know that God is not going to waste not one of my tears or any of my struggle.  I know He will make beauty of these ashes.  I can in many ways see some fruit of that.  This is my story.  My journey.  By God's grace and strength, I will continue to persevere on to the end...no more pain!

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends

Day 152: Operation HOPE...Herxheimer What Now?

I've been battling for almost a week with symptoms from this detox.  A couple of days ago, Dr. C said that I should now do the shakes every other day.  So, that's what I did.  I didn't have one on Thursday, but had one yesterday.  I felt lousy most of yesterday.  I had a mild headache and brain fog, with pronounced full body pain.  Despite that, I plowed through my day {had lots and lots to do yesterday}.  Last night, right before bed, I crashed and burned.  I had a full blown migraine with unbelievable body pain.  I was so happy that it was bed time!

I woke this morning with my head pounding, stomach nauseous, slight dizziness and debilitating full body pain!  Just miserable!!  Tears filled my eyes as this immediately brought me back to how I was feeling before I started this wellness journey.  Oh how frustrating, and so saddening to me.

I reached out to Dr. C and told him all I was experiencing and feeling.  His response to me was, "It's Herxheimer Effect.  It is a healing crisis."

I thought, "Herxheimer what now?"  I immediately looked it up.  Here's the first explanation I found:

"The Herxheimer Reaction is a short-term (from days to a few weeks) detoxification reactio in the body.  As the body detoxifies, it is not uncommon to experience flu-like symptoms including headache, join and muscle pain, body aches, sore throat, general malaise, sweating, chills, nausea or other symptoms."

Wow!  Unbelievable!  That pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for most of this week.  Absolutely crazy!!

Herxheimer Effect/Reaction = Road Block  {Big road block with flashing lights and all!}

Dr. C wants me to stop the detox {yet again}.  I'm not happy about the fact that I can't seem to get through a detox that I know is so necessary for my healing.  But, am grateful that I don't have to plow through feeling the way that I do.  Dr. C said this morning that if I wasn't under pressure and stress {which yes is still an issue that I'm working on}, and it was warmer he would have me continue.  His suggestion is that we do the final detox in pieces over the summer when it's hot and there's sunshine.  He's told me in the last few weeks that I need to be out in the sunshine a lot more than I am; to which I tell him that I would be if we've had that type of weather.  It's been cloudy and/or rainy and cold most days here in the Northeast.

I'm disappointed because I really wanted to see this detox through this time.  But, I guess this isn't the right time.  Maybe it will be better in the summer, and maybe as I do it in "pieces" it will not effect me near as much as it has.  This road block is not going to stop me from continuing on.  I absolutely need to see this through to the end...no more pain!!

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..."

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends

Day 150: Operation HOPE...Always Adjusting

One thing I'm learning as I continue day by day on this journey is how to be flexible and go with the flow.  Those of you who really know me know that this goes totally against my grain.  To a fault, I'm a planner and an organizer.  I'm the type of person who always needs to know what's going on...what will or could happen.  It's how I'm wired.  It's who I am.  God definitely has a sense of humor, and has placed me in a position that I need to learn how work against my grain.  Good times!  {Sarcasm intended!}

A week ago I had a plan.  The plan was that I was going to start this detox.  I jumped in with two feet and the plan was to see it through no matter what.  That plan was in place until this morning.  I woke with unbelievable full body pain, a horrible headache and brain fog.

I shared my symptoms and my commitments for today {the fact that I wouldn't be able to rest like I have the last few days} with Dr. C and he said, "Ok.  Do not do detox shakes on busy days.  You are dumping lots of toxins."

I responded, "Unfortunately, most of my days are busy days.  Maybe I should try every other day to see if that helps."

He then said, "Yes, every second day now."

BOOM!  Just like that the plan has changed!  I. A. BLINK. OF. AN. EYE.

A half a year or so ago, I would get anxious, aggravated and frustrated at a sudden change in a plan I thought was a good one.  But, instead, today I'm grateful...!!

Grateful that I have a doctor who isn't afraid to change the course of treatment to fit my needs based on what is happening right now.  Grateful for a doctor that always, always has my best interest in mind.  Grateful for a doctor who will not quit because things get hard or when they don't make sense.  Grateful that I have a doctor who doesn't push me to the back burner and/or ignore me when I reach out to him.  Grateful for a doctor who gets me and treats me as me...not as a number or a group of people with similar issues...but rather an individual person with unique issues and symptoms that are mine and mine alone.

God has blessed me beyond what I could have ever thought or imagined by leading me to this amazing office, and putting me on this journey.  This journey is teaching me so much.  I'm learning to adjust.  Learning to be flexible.  Learning to go with the flow.  Learning to surrender to the process.

This journey is still very hard and messy.  I'm still healing.  I'm still in pain.  Healing hurts.  Despite that, though, I see the good.  I'm know I'm on the right path, and I have HOPE that I will see a day where I am fully healed!!

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends

Day 149: Operation HOPE...Detoxing {Again!}

A week ago today I started the "blueberry sludge" detox again.  Believe it or not, though, it isn't too bad now.  I guess my taste buds changed that drastically that it doesn't bother me at all!

I'm still batting ongoing full body pain.  Since starting this program in December 2016, my pain level has shifted from "Oppressive...how am I going to continue to live like this" to "Okay...I can tolerate this".  Even though the pain level has shifted, I'm still in pain 24/7.  The truth of the matter is, I'm doing this entire process to be out of pain...and I'm no where near that and I'm not okay with that.  After sharing that with Dr. C, he suggested last week that I restart the detox that I didn't finish.  I stopped it mid-February because he thought that my body wasn't handling it well.  He felt that I should be able to tolerate it better this time around {since I'm almost 2 more months into the program}, and that the detox will aid in getting the rest of the toxins out of my body that could be causing the continued pain I'm in.

Five days into the detox {on Monday}, I started experiencing some symptoms.  Brain fog.  Slight headache.  Exhausted.  No energy.  Elevated full body pain.

I reached out to Dr. C yesterday and made the statement, "I'm hoping that the increase in pain is the detox working."  To which he responded, "Yes, it can certainly be a healing crisis."  I then shared with him that the difference in my mind this time is that I know why there's an increase in symptoms, and I've already purposed in my mind and heart that I will not plow through the pain {like the last time}.  I plan on resting when I need to and will take better care of myself during this detoxing time.  After I shared those thoughts with Dr. C, and he responded, "Yes, sleep and rest a lot".  Which I did yesterday because I just couldn't go any more.  I actually napped {which I haven't done in ages}, and went to bed early and slept through the night.

This morning I woke up feeling worse than yesterday.  I feel very run down and am literally hurting from head to toe.  I shared with Dr. C this morning that even though the pain and fatigue are high, I really want to see this detox through.  I'm hoping that at the end of it {the detox} not only will the toxins be flushed out of my system but this pain will be, too.  I asked him if he felt that was a reasonable statement.  He responded by saying, "Progressive thinking, yes.  Toxins leave but part of pain is the body repairing toxin damage."  To which I responded, "That makes perfect sense.  I'm going to ride this wave out and hang in there as long as I can.  My goal is getting out of this pain.  I'll do whatever I have to do to achieve that."

I've been committed to this for 149 days, and will continue to stay committed.  No compromise.  No excuses.  I will see this process through to the end...the end of my pain!!!!

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends

Day 146: Operation HOPE...A Year Ago Today

This was me a year ago...May 7, 2016

I was blown away when this picture showed up on my Facebook page as a memory from May 6, 2016!  Exactly one year ago today.  A year ago I was dragging myself through my days.  Living in excruciating pain.  Taking all sorts of medications for my "health" and for my pain.  I was always tired.  Living in a fog.  I was real good at masking all these symptoms behind my pulled back shoulders and broad smile.  This journey "Operation HOPE...Hold On Pain Ends" wasn't on my radar at all.  I had no idea a year ago that I would be on a lifestyle journey to radically change my life.  Not. One. Clue.

This was me a week ago...April 29, 2017

When I saw the picture from last year, I immediately remembered that I had taken a picture last week.  I put these pictures side by side in a Word document, and just couldn't believe how far I've come in 146 days!  I told my son tonight that I like to do that {put pictures side by side} so I can see the transformation.  A lot of times, believe it or not, I still see myself as I was a year ago.  But, I know I'm not who I was a year go.  I've changed in so many ways...and not just physically.

I'm no longer dragging myself from day to day.  I feel more alive and awake now.  I'm sleeping much better than I have in years, and wake up {most of the time} feeling refreshed.

I hardly ever experience brain fog and headaches any more.  There are still some days that I experience them, but I literally used live in a fog 24/7 & dealt with headaches for most days in a month's time.  It's really nice to be able to think clearly and not have to deal with horrible headaches.

My pain level is different than it was a year ago.  Although I still experience pain {still most days 24/7}, it's not to the same intensity that it was.  I know that I'm moving around and functioning better despite the pain.

I am off ALL medications for my "health" and pain!!  This one is HUGE to me!

I am not healed yet...but I'm healing...day by day.  The struggle is still real and raw, but every day I see the fruit of my labor and the light at the end of this long tunnel is getting brighter and brighter with every passing day.

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends