This is not the first time one of Ann Voskamp's posts was exactly what I needed when I needed it. Over the last few years, the Lord has used her words and posts to encourage and bless my heart. Today was no exception.
It's been 13 days since I started this last round of detox shakes, and 4 days since I've been totally off it. Believe it or not, I'm still recuperating! This round was no joke...and I didn't even finish it!
I started doing the detox on May 4th. By May 8th I started experiencing more severe symptoms. On May 10th Dr. C told me to do the shake every other day. So, I didn't take it on May 11th, but did on May 12th. By the evening of May 12th, my body hit a brick wall. I had a full blown migraine and could barely function because of the debilitating pain I was experiencing. I literally spent Saturday & Sunday (May 13th and May 14th) in bed. I slept most of this last weekend away. And, when I was awake, was dealing with unbelievable full body pain, headache, nausea, vomiting and was very light headed. Dr. C referred to all this as a "healing crisis" called "Herxheimer Reaction/Effect". I talked about this in my last blog post dated May 13th. As of today (May 16), I'm still feeling the effects of this "healing crisis". I'm certainly better than I was over the weekend, but still have a mild headache, full body pain, nausea and just not feeling myself.
I saw Dr. C yesterday, and despite all that's going on, he's encouraged that my body reacted so quickly to this detox. He said that it's showing him that my body is really healing (even though it doesn't feel like it). The last detox it took me close to 3 weeks to get to this point, and my symptoms weren't as bad then as they were/are now. With this round, I started experiencing symptoms in just 4 days. In a healing perspective, that's huge! He likened it to chiseling away at layers and layers of paint. He said the first few layers take a lot of time an energy, but as you get down to the surface it becomes quicker and easier. That's what's going on with my body. I'm chiseling away at all the garbage that has built up in my body all the years of my life (really), and as I continue on this journey, because of how clean I'm eating and the supplements I'm taking it's getting easier and easier for my body to do what it needs to do...heal. That was encouraging to me.
I did wind up taking a few pain pills over the weekend because I just couldn't take the pain any longer. I told Dr. C that I was really surprised at how they effected me. I took Percocet for years for my pain. All it would do is relax me, and it NEVER worked on a headache. I remember times where I took double the prescription when I had a headache and it wouldn't even touch it. This weekend, not only did it really help with my full body pain, but it also helped with my headache pain. I was shocked. Dr. C said that is telling him that my liver is clean and processing the way that it should. As a side note: Both of us are not happy that I had to use synthetic medication to help me this weekend, but we both are in agreement that I had to do what I had to do at this point. And, he actually was the one to suggest that I take the pain pill.
My reality is that I will need to continue to detox through this journey. I've known this all along. But, Dr. C told me that he will never have me on a detox for days on end. What I will most likely will do is do them 1 day on and 10 days off. He said it will take more time, but the end result will ultimately be the same. I'm very okay with that. I really do not want to experience this again.
I asked a very hard question yesterday. It's been rolling through my mind for a week now. I asked him if he thought I'm "sicker" than we thought when I first presented my case to him in December. And, he said "Yes, it's very possible". I wasn't shocked by his response because in my heart I already knew. I knew by the fact that I'm doing every single thing that he's telling me to do and I'm just not getting over the hump. I knew because I can just feel it. This pain is constant, real and oppressive at times. Fibromyalgia is no joke.
At this point, Dr. C is going to shift his focus onto trying to really get to the bottom of this Fibro pain. He reached out to a colleague yesterday, and will then be forming a game plan as to how to proceed with me. Until then, I'm off the detox most likely until the summer or we get a handle on this pain (whichever comes first), and I'm to just focus on recuperating from this round of detox. That means basically rest as much as I can...which will be easy because I really do not have the stamina to do much right now.
I ran the gamut of emotions yesterday. I was all over my emotional map. I went from anxious to sad to frustrated to encouraged to hopeful to grateful. Tears flowed. I made a conscious effort to breathe...deep sighs and cleansing breaths. I've said it before...I'm not healed but I am healing...and...healing hurts! There are no two ways about it. This is my reality. This is where I am. I know that God is not going to waste not one of my tears or any of my struggle. I know He will make beauty of these ashes. I can in many ways see some fruit of that. This is my story. My journey. By God's grace and strength, I will continue to persevere on to the end...no more pain!
H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends
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