Day 51: Operation HOPE...Update

What?  Seriously?  Day 51?!?  Time is just slipping right by me.  I cannot believe that it's been 11 days since my last "update".  I really can't believe that I'm on Day 51 of this program.  That is just C-R-A-Z-Y!!

So...here's what's been going on...

PROGRAM/FOOD:  This has stayed exactly the same.  I eat the same things that I have since week one.  The only difference is I don't have to the follow the menus as strict as I did during week one.  I can mix and match the menus, which is a huge help.  I feel like I have the food part pretty much under control.  Praise God!

DETOX SHAKE:  Today I finished number 14 out of 30.  It's not as horrible as it was the first few days...but it still is no where near sweet and good, like I was told it would be.  I found that adding ice to the blender {before blending the ingredients} helps, and I need to stick with blueberries.  I tried other berries, and even cherries, and really didn't like it as much as I did with the blueberries.  It will never be a blueberry muffin {no matter how many times I imagine it to be}...but I know that I need it to help me reach my goal...a pain-free life!

MY SKIN:  I cannot tell you how many people have complemented me on my skin.  I've heard anything from "you're glowing", "you're beaming" to "your skin looks so great".  I honestly don't notice this difference myself, but I guess it's the truth because I've heard it a lot lately.

That said, even though my skin is telling everyone that I'm "glowing" and "beaming", most days I don't feel like I'm glowing or beaming.  Most days I feel like I'm dragging and hurting.  I really wish that I felt as good as everyone thinks I look...which brings me to my next two topics...fatigue & pain.

FATIGUE:  I'm still battling no energy and being tired 85-90% of my day.  Most days I'm dragging myself from one thing to another.  There have been many nights where I go to bed super early because I just cannot go any more.  I cannot wait until this fatigue is gone!

PAIN:  Unfortunately, I'm still battling pain, too...from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.  I will say that, despite the pain, I feel like I'm moving around a little bit better during the day than I was before.  Nights are still really, really hard {especially if I've pushed myself during the day}.  I cannot wait until this pain is gone!

The fatigue and pain are always with me.

My body isn't healed yet.

The healing process will take time.

Even though those statements are my reality, my commitment and hope in this process is firm.  I believe with my whole being that these changes and sacrifices that I have made and are making aren't for naught.  I believe that God is 100% in the midst of this process.  I also believe that in His timing there will come a day when the healing process will stop, and pain-free living will commence.  That is my hope...that is my prize!

HOPE = Hold On Pain Ends!!

Tuesday Tip...Encouragement Spot

                                                                                                                                                                              Photo from consumercredit.com


Welcome to my first installment of "Tuesday Tip"!

When going through a challenging journey, whether it be a health and lifestyle change like mine or any other type of problem {work, relationship, school, etc.}, make yourself an "Encouragement Spot"!  Bring together, in one spot, items that encourage and bless you.  Your Encouragement Spot should be in a place is that always within eye shot throughout your day.

Since I spend a lot of time in my kitchen, my Encouragement Spot is on my windowsill {see pictures below}.  I picked items that are in colors that soothe me, contain positive, encouraging words, and favorite gifts given to me by family and friends.  I cannot tell you how many times these items brought a smile to my face and encouragement to my heart.

Why not create your very own "Encouragement Spot"?  If you do, I'd love to see what it looks like.  Please post a comment below!

My Encouragement Spot

"I Can Do All Things..." cross given to me by a sweet friend.
A domino with words of affirmation from a retreat I went on.
"Pray Hardest When It's Hardest To Pray" plaque I bought from Hobby Lobby. {I love that place!}
A sweet dish with two white birds given to me by an equally sweet friend

"Love" plaque given to me by a dear friend.  {I love everything about this plaque!}

"Once You Choose Hope Anything IS Possible" plaque.  {I also bought this at Hobby Lobby.}
Pioneer Woman cow and Mason jar.  {I love everything Pioneer Woman!  It makes me smile!}

Angels Are Among Us!
{The two on either end are from Trades of Hope;
the two stained glass ones are from my kiddos;
and, the one in the center was crocheted by my sister.}

Day 40: Operation HOPE...The Big 4-0!!

No...it's not my birthday.  I've already turned "The Big 4-0" many moons ago!

It's actually Day 40 of my Operation HOPE {Hold On Pain Ends} journey!!!!

Seriously?  How can I be on Day 40 already?  Wasn't it just yesterday I started this crazy, hard, journey where I radically changed my lifestyle to get healthy and get out of this oppressive pain that I've been in for years?

W-O-W!  The Big 4-0!  I really think a celebration is in order!  Who's with me?  Let's celebrate!!

What should we do?

Red Robin?  Nah.

Italian food?  Nah.

Chinese food?  Nah.

Cake?  Nah.

Ice Cream?  Nah.

Cookies?  Nah.

Honestly, 41 days ago that's exactly what I would have done.  I would have celebrated a major milestone with dinner out or dessert...or both!!

But, today, as nice as all those things may sound, what I really want more than anything is to be healthy and out of this oppressive pain.

You may remember that early on in this journey I said, "Nothing is going to taste as good as healthy will feel".  I've been preaching that to myself for 40 days.  I know this quote, along with the amazing support from my family and friends, has gotten me through to this day.  Day 40!!  The Big 4-0!!!

Instead of celebrating this milestone with food...here's how I'm going to celebrate:

• I'm going to thank the Lord for the last 40 days.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  All of it.
• I'm going to reflect on the last 40 days.  Where I was and where I'm at now.
• I'm going to pray and look forward to the day when I am pain-free!  What a glorious day that will be!!
• I'm going to read through my blog posts from the last 40 days!  And, all the wonderful comments from my family and friends!
• Even though "getting skinny" is not why I'm doing this...I'm going to enjoy the fact that ALL my clothes are so much looser than 40 days ago.

And, after all that, I may have two pieces of my new favorite Enjoy Life dark chocolate!  After all, it is a celebration!

Hooray for Day 40!  Here's to 40 more!!

Day 37: Operation HOPE...Good is Subjective

                                            Photo from paleogrubs.com

"Good is Subjective".  I learned this lesson this morning.

When I met with Dr. C yesterday, he suggested I do a 30-day liver detox to flush the toxins from the statin medication I've taken for many years.  He gave me two options.

Option 1:  A shake.  I'd have to purchase a powder supplement from him, put it in the blender with ice, water and a cup of blueberries, and consume this every day for 30 days.  He said it would be "good" and "nice"...and it works great!

Option 2:  A juice.  I'd have to juice beets {raw}, super greens and various other vegetables every day for 30 days.  He said that this juice is "brutal" and "doesn't taste really good"...but it also works great!

The choice was mine.

Of course, I chose Option 1.  For the obvious reasons.  Mostly because of Dr. C's comments about the taste of the shake verses the taste of the juice, and also for the ease in making a shake verses making a juice.

Remember I said that "Good is Subjective"?  Well, Dr. C's definition of "good" is certainly not my definition of "good".

He told me the shake would be "frothy" and "sweet".

It definitely was "frothy"...I'll give him that.

But, sweet?  Um...no.  His version of "sweet" is definitely not my version of sweet.  My version of sweet is a blueberry muffin.  I'd have to say that he's never had a blueberry muffin if this is his version of sweet.

It was also very "gritty" from the powder.  All I could really taste was the powder.

Oh, and did I mention that this concoction, after blended together, measured two cups?!?  Yup!  Two frothy, not-so-sweet, gritty cups of blueberry sludge!  {Insert the sound of crickets chirping here!}

*sigh*

So..."good" is most definitely subjective.

Dr. C's "good" isn't my "good" {at least in this case}.  So, what is my "subjective good"?

• I finished it!  All two cups of it! {This is good!}
• One down, 29 more to go!  {This is good!}
• I know that Dr. C always has my full recovery and best interest in mind.  {This is really good!}
• The shake may not have tasted good to me, but I know at the end of the 30 days it's going to do awesome things for my body, and help my body heal and recover.  {This is really, really good!}

For all these things, I'm so very thankful!  My heart knows it well.

"...in everything give thanks..."

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NASB)

{Emphasis added by me!}

"The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful

and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it

and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents

who bring fullest Light to all the world."

~Ann Voskamp

from her book "One Thousand Gifts"

Day 36: Operation HOPE...Doctors' Report

Today is Day 36.  I had my month follow up appointment with both my nutritionist (Dr. C.) and the owner/chiropractor (Dr. P.) today.

In 36 days;

• I've lost 12.8 pounds.  {W-O-W!}
• I've lost 4.4% body fat.  {Double-W-O-W!!}
• I've gained muscle mass (because my body is now burning fat).  {Triple-W-O-W!!!}

Dr. C. was ecstatic with these numbers.  He was actually blown away.  He told Scott and I that he doesn't normally see these sort of numbers in a first month from patients who are women.  I reminded him that I'm not like every other patient.  😉  He also couldn't believe that I've stuck to this program 98% of the time.  {I had to tell him I had some Triscuits on New Years Eve and a few yesterday!}  His exact words were, "Impressive.  Good for you!"

Dr. C. said that because my numbers are so good, he wants me to continue on the same program I've been on for the last 36 days!  {Insert Snoopy happy dance!!}  I was SO happy when I heard that!!  I was really concerned about the next phase of the program.  I did not want to do that phase!  So, for now, thankfully, it's on the back burner.

On top of continuing the same plan, I will begin a more invasive detox/cleanse.  The sole purpose of this detox is to detox my liver from statin medication toxins.  I will be supplementing a meal or snack with a shake of ice, water, blueberries and a cleanse supplement powder.  Dr. C. said that after a month of this detox, I may see a little difference in the muscle pain that I'm having.  Especially since I've already stopped taking the statin drug a month ago.  I stopped that medication on my own for two reasons:  

1. I felt I was trying to cleanse my body but was still putting medications in.  I felt that eating clean would take care of the cholesterol issue that I've had, so I felt comfortable stopping this medication.
2. My legs were hurting so much I felt that stopping that medication would help.  As it was, I could only take it four times a week (instead of seven) because of the horrible leg cramps I would get.

I talked to both doctors about the extreme pain and fatigue I've been experiencing.  I also voiced my frustration in the fact that I'm doing every single thing they've told me to, and I'm still in so much pain and so tired.  They both said {separately} that it's going to take time to clear my body of the toxins and turn my bad cells around to good cells.  They both said that it could be at least another month or two before I start to see some change in my pain level {but I'm to understand that this is a cautiously optimistic time-frame...it could be longer}; and, they both said that it could ultimately take up to a year for my full recovery.  They reminded me that all this didn't happen to my body overnight, and therefore, it won't be fixed overnight.

Had I heard this news before my revelation yesterday {that I'm still recovering and not healed yet}, I think I would have freaked out.  But, I didn't.  I sighed and said, "okay".  I guess this is all part of recovery.  Pain is an inevitable part of healing.

I'm so grateful for both these doctors.  They were, and have been, very encouraging and supportive.  God knew exactly what I needed and where I needed to be at this time of my life.

I'm looking forward to the day I can say I have less pain...and then finally no pain!  I don't know when that will be, but I am confident I will utter those words at some point.  Until then, I'm committed to this process and keeping my eyes on the prize....my pain-free life!

Day 35: Operation HOPE...Roller Coaster

I really hate roller coasters.

Tightly buckled in.  No where to go but where the ride takes you.  Heart pounding as you slowly climb the steep mountain ahead.  Your breath knocked out of you as you plummet down the other side of the mountain.  Unexpected twists and turns.  Jostled to and fro.  There is not one thing I like about them.  Actually, that's not true.  There is one thing I like about them...when the ride stops and I can get off.

Over the last few days, I have felt like I've been on one of those roller coasters I hate so much.  Buckled in.  No where to go.  Ups and downs.  Heart pounding.  Breath knocked out of me.  So many twists and turns.  Jostled to and fro.  When will this ride stop?  When can I get off?

I've been in a real crummy funk since Friday.  I know.  I know.  I was just in one not too long ago.  I don't know, maybe I never really got out of it.  This entire process coupled with the day-in, day-out pain has gotten to be way to much for me to handle.  I've been snapping at everyone and everything that comes in my path.  My poor husband, children and our puppy!  I've seriously contemplated going to hotel and renting a room until this ugliness passes.

Why am I feeling this way?  Why am I acting this way?  What's my problem?

I spent all of Friday running errands, schooling Sarah, taking care of mundane responsibilities and preparing for a surprise for Sarah's birthday weekend.  I literally didn't stop from 5:45 a.m. until 9:00 p.m.  I pushed myself and literally dragged myself all day through searing pain...from the top of my head all the way down to my feet.  I had a headache all day, and everything else in between was screaming at me with every move I made.  A pain pill and my bed at the end of that day never felt so good.

I got up around 7:30 a.m. on Saturday.  The pain greeted me as soon as I opened my eyes.  Scott and I had planned to go to BJs because we were out of just about everything.  After we got home, I just lost it.  I cannot even remember exactly why I lost it, or what exactly I said {but I'm sure he does, though}.  All I know is that I had a major meltdown, and it wasn't pretty.  After my meltdown, I announced, "I'm going out!"  {Side Note:  This entire display of my uncontrolled temper and emotions has cut me deep.  I'm not happy this happened.  I'm not proud of myself.  It grieves my heart.  I'm so thankful for forgiveness and grace from Jesus, as well as my sweet family.}

After I got in the car, I thought to myself, "What exactly do you think you're going to do and where do you think you're going to go with all this pain you're in?"  This is exactly when I contemplated going to a hotel.  As quickly as that thought came into my mind it went out..."Na, I can't do that."  So, I just drove.  What I realized was that I just needed to drive, clear my head and be by myself.  I did wind up stopping off at a few places that I've wanted to get to but haven't had the chance.

When I got home, I hobbled myself into the house {the pain was unbearable}.  When I got in, I was greeted by my loving and understanding family.  What did I ever do to deserve such love and grace from them?  After I ate something for supper, I decided to go up to my bedroom.  I was hurting so much, I knew I just needed to lay down.  So, I took something for my pain, made myself a cup of tea, brought some of that awesome Enjoy Life dark chocolate with me, along with some hummus and veggies.  I wound up laying in my bed and read my book.  I'm reading Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts".  Rather appropriate for this season of my life, I think.  Then, I caught up on Fixer Upper and Pioneer Woman episodes that I've missed.  I wound up drifting off to sleep around 8:30 p.m. or so.

Today, Sunday, I woke up around 7:30 a.m.  When my feet hit the floor, I realized that all the pain was still with me.  I sighed.  I hobbled down the stairs to the kitchen.  I sat at the kitchen table, and let the warm sun kiss my back.  The warmth of the sun warmed my soul.  I slowly ate my breakfast and sipped my tea.  I then announced to my husband, "I'm going back to bed."  I went back to bed to read my book and rest.  I wound up coming down around 10:30 a.m.  I did some computer work for our home school co-op.  Cooked lunch.  Watched a movie with my son.  Cooked supper.  Worked on this post and a new Facebook page for this blog.

Because of the events of the last three days, I've realized five things about myself:

ONE:
I. Am. Tired.
I'm SO stinkin' tired.
Being tired all the time is brutal.
I get cranky when I'm tired.  REALLY cranky!!

TWO:
I. Am. In. Pain. {No matter how good I look.}
I'm in SO much stinkin' pain all the time.
Being in pain all the time is oppressive.
I get cranky when I'm in pain.  REALLY cranky!!

THREE:
I. Am. Still. Recovering.  {I honestly forgot this.}
My body is not healed yet...not even close.
Because I'm not healed yet, my body is so tired and screaming in pain all the time.
I get cranky when I can't do the things I want to do.  REALLY cranky!!

FOUR:
I. Need. To. Rest.  {Imagine that?!?}
I really need to slow down...even stop...and rest.
Rest is necessary for my healing and recovery.
I'm not as cranky when I get some rest.  Resting is good.

FIVE:
I. Need. To. Do. Things. For. ME.
I really need to make time to do things for myself.
Be still & quiet.  Watch a favorite show or two.  Read.  Eat some good quality dark chocolate.
I'm not as cranky when my soul gets fed by things that bring me joy.  Doing things just for me is good.

Because of the events of the last three days, I realize that I need to change my game plan.  From now on, I need to:

• Pray more, worry less
• Love on my people more
• Rest more, run around less
• Be a little selfish by doing things that feed my soul
• Learn to say "no" to things I really don't need to do &/or can't do
• Give myself grace
• Remember the five things I just listed above
• Give myself grace  {I realize I said that twice.  That's to be sure I heard myself!  I really am so hard on myself.}
• And...learn to BREATHE

One of my favorite songs, "It's Not Over Yet", by For King & Country says,

"Oh, to everyone who's hit their limit

It's not over yet

It's not over ye-et

And even when you think you're finished

It's not over yet

It's not over ye-et

Keep on fighting

Out of the dark

Into the light

It's not over

HOPE is rising

Never give in

Never give up

It's not over"

Lately, I've felt like I've hit my limit.  And, many times I just wanted to be done and finish this craziness.  But, this journey isn't over.  It's no where near over.  As a matter of fact, it's just the opposite...it has just begun.

I will keep on fighting.  I won't give in or give up.  I will believe that God is in all this...the ups...the downs...the twists...the turns.  I believe that He has brought me to this exact point in my life so I can thrive and succeed.  My eyes will stay focused on Him and the prize...the hope that one day this pain will be a distant memory.

"Do you not know?  Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.

HE GIVES STRENGTH TO THE WEARY and INCREASES THE POWER OF THE WEAK.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

BUT THOSE WHO HOPE IN THE LORD WILL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV)

{Emphasis added by me!}

Day 32: Operation HOPE...My Encouragement Coat

Early on in this journey, I said that I'm not doing this radical lifestyle change to get "skinny".  That's going to be a bonus in this process. I'm doing this to get healthy and to get out of this oppressive pain that weighs my body down every single day.

As you've all read in my last post, I've been a tad frustrated, discouraged and angry about this journey.  Well, I'm here to tell you that God showed up today in the most tangible way imaginable.  He met me at my coat closet and handed me encouragement that fed my weary, frustrated, discouraged soul.  Take a look...

I haven't been able to wear this coat for YEARS!  I mean like five or better years!  I mean like I couldn't button it AT ALL.  But, today, it was on, fully buttoned up and I even had a little wiggle room!

Every year, I'd try it on, and every year I'd put it right back in the closet.  Who does that?  That's just crazy, don't you think?  Why in the world wouldn't I have gotten rid of it years ago?  I'm sure there's a person out in this big world who could have benefited from this coat rather than it sit in my closet year after year.

You know why I didn't get rid of it?  I'll tell you why...

God knew then that I would need this encouragement RIGHT NOW...TODAY!  He allowed me to hang onto this coat just so He could show up and bless my heart today!!  How awesome is that?!? 

I've affectionately named this coat "My Encouragement Coat".  I will NEVER get rid of this coat no matter how big it gets!

Day 32 is done!  I'm encouraged.

I'm so incredibly blessed.

I'm keeping my eyes are on the prize!  H.O.P.E. {Hold On Pain Ends}!!!