I've tried to write this blog post three times now. Those of you who truly know me know that I like things to be systematic, organized and pretty. I don't like it when I don't look like I have it all together...when things aren't okay. That is a very uncomfortable place for me.
I've learned over the past 5 years to hide a lot behind my broad smile and pulled back shoulders. I've mastered wearing the mask in my answers of "I'm fine" and "I'm hanging in there" when asked how I'm doing. The truth of the matter is, if I want to keep the integrity of this blog as truthful and honest, I need to go against my grain and lay the mask down.
I'm not fine...and I feel like I'm literally hanging on by a thread.
I just shared with you all five great blog posts about 5 days that I spent with my family celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary. I was able to get through that time by taking some pain medication just about every day, and resting when I could. It was truly a great time with my family, and I'm not one bit sorry that I pushed myself through it.
The blog before all that was Day 155. I had shared that I had been on a detox, and was still recovering from it. I was still dealing with side effects during our anniversary celebration time.
I've learned over the past 5 years to hide a lot behind my broad smile and pulled back shoulders. I've mastered wearing the mask in my answers of "I'm fine" and "I'm hanging in there" when asked how I'm doing. The truth of the matter is, if I want to keep the integrity of this blog as truthful and honest, I need to go against my grain and lay the mask down.
I'm not fine...and I feel like I'm literally hanging on by a thread.
I just shared with you all five great blog posts about 5 days that I spent with my family celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary. I was able to get through that time by taking some pain medication just about every day, and resting when I could. It was truly a great time with my family, and I'm not one bit sorry that I pushed myself through it.
The blog before all that was Day 155. I had shared that I had been on a detox, and was still recovering from it. I was still dealing with side effects during our anniversary celebration time.
The Monday after our anniversary (May 22nd), I saw Dr. C. The great news is I've lost a total of 35.5 pounds and almost 10% body fat. The not so great news is that I'm still experiencing horrible pain. Dr. C said that I definitely experienced Herxheimer's, which I referred to in my Day 152 blog post. He did say, though, that I needed to continue slowly with detoxing to get the toxins and heavy metals out of my system.
On May 27th, I started a detox supplement called "Metal-X-Synergy"...6 capsules throughout the day.
On May 30th, I began having mild symptoms of Herxheimer's.
On May 30th, I began having mild symptoms of Herxheimer's.
On May 31st, I woke up with terrible symptoms. Definitely worse. Dr. C told me to only take 4 capsules instead of 6. My symptoms worsened throughout the day, and it effected my mood & attitude terribly.
By the time June 1st rolled around, the symptoms were absolutely unbearable. After explaining everything that went on the day before and how I woke up, he took me off the Metal-X.
Since June 1st, through today, my symptoms have been horrendous. I've been experiencing terrible headaches, brain fog, difficulty at times formulating my words, tingling in my face, neck, shoulders and shoulder blades, terrible joint, muscle and bone pain.
Dr. C has been researching like crazy trying to come up with another course of treatment to help me. I'm still waiting for him on that. He most recently put me on a high dose of Curcumin, to try and help reduce some of this pain. We'll see if that helps at all. He mentioned today that the weather plays a huge factor in things (which I knew), and the weather here in New Jersey has been downright lousy. Rainy, cloudy and cold.
A couple of months or so back, he mentioned me possibly seeing a neurologist. I asked him if he still thought that might be a direction to go. He said that he thought it was still a good option, but that we should consult Dr. P and get his clinical opinion {that probably won't happen until my next appointment on 6/27}. Dr. C then said that we need to keep fighting because I've improved a lot in areas such as weight loss and dumping toxins {which I know}. He's constantly encouraging me to hang in there; that he's close to being done with his research. I told him to do what he needed to do, that I'm not giving up by any means, and agree with what he's telling me and doing.
I meant what I said, I'm not giving up by any means. I didn't come this far to quit. But, I'm so very frustrated, and oh so very tired. Tired physically, mentally and emotionally. Being in pain, from one degree to another, 24/7 for close to five years is no joke. I'm tired and worn.
Dr. C has been researching like crazy trying to come up with another course of treatment to help me. I'm still waiting for him on that. He most recently put me on a high dose of Curcumin, to try and help reduce some of this pain. We'll see if that helps at all. He mentioned today that the weather plays a huge factor in things (which I knew), and the weather here in New Jersey has been downright lousy. Rainy, cloudy and cold.
A couple of months or so back, he mentioned me possibly seeing a neurologist. I asked him if he still thought that might be a direction to go. He said that he thought it was still a good option, but that we should consult Dr. P and get his clinical opinion {that probably won't happen until my next appointment on 6/27}. Dr. C then said that we need to keep fighting because I've improved a lot in areas such as weight loss and dumping toxins {which I know}. He's constantly encouraging me to hang in there; that he's close to being done with his research. I told him to do what he needed to do, that I'm not giving up by any means, and agree with what he's telling me and doing.
I meant what I said, I'm not giving up by any means. I didn't come this far to quit. But, I'm so very frustrated, and oh so very tired. Tired physically, mentally and emotionally. Being in pain, from one degree to another, 24/7 for close to five years is no joke. I'm tired and worn.
H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends
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