Day 183: Operation HOPE...Keep Fighting

The above statement was absolutely written for me.  This is exactly how I feel at this point.  This valley that I've been in has got to be one of the hardest that I've had to go through in a long while.  I've been battling my own body for quite some time now, but these last few weeks have been unreal.

I am tired.
I am fed up.
I feel like I'm close to breaking.
I feel weak.

Dr. C has a definitive hypothesis about what's going on with me.  I'm not comfortable right now sharing what that is until there's more definitive information.  I can say this, though, he is tirelessly working on getting to the bottom of all this.  He told me yesterday that he's presenting my case to seven other doctors on Thursday.  I'm praying that they can come up something to reverse all this pain I've been in for many, many years.  Dr. C has had me on a three day "food challenge".  Saturday and Sunday I had major reactions...MAJOR.  Today is the last day of the challenge.

Keep fighting...that's the only choice I have.

Keep fighting...I didn't come this far to quit.

Keep fighting...because I have faith in Dr. C and this process

Keep fighting...because I have HOPE that one day this pain will be a distant memory.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God,

The Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary,

And His understaning no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary

And increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

But those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles,

They will run and not grow weary,

They will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV)

H.O.P.E.= Hold On Pain Ends

Day 178: Operation HOPE...A Bit of a Setback

I've tried to write this blog post three times now.  Those of you who truly know me know that I like things to be systematic, organized and pretty.  I don't like it when I don't look like I have it all together...when things aren't okay.  That is a very uncomfortable place for me.

I've learned over the past 5 years to hide a lot behind my broad smile and pulled back shoulders.  I've mastered wearing the mask in my answers of "I'm fine" and "I'm hanging in there" when asked how I'm doing.  The truth of the matter is, if I want to keep the integrity of this blog as truthful and honest, I need to go against my grain and lay the mask down.

I'm not fine...and I feel like I'm literally hanging on by a thread.

I just shared with you all five great blog posts about 5 days that I spent with my family celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.  I was able to get through that time by taking some pain medication just about every day, and resting when I could.  It was truly a great time with my family, and I'm not one bit sorry that I pushed myself through it.

The blog before all that was Day 155.  I had shared that I had been on a detox, and was still recovering from it.  I was still dealing with side effects during our anniversary celebration time.

The Monday after our anniversary (May 22nd), I saw Dr. C.  The great news is I've lost a total of 35.5 pounds and almost 10% body fat.  The not so great news is that I'm still experiencing horrible pain.  Dr. C said that I definitely experienced Herxheimer's, which I referred to in my Day 152 blog post.  He did say, though, that I needed to continue slowly with detoxing to get the toxins and heavy metals out of my system.

On May 27th, I started a detox supplement called "Metal-X-Synergy"...6 capsules throughout the day.

On May 30th, I began having mild symptoms of Herxheimer's.

On May 31st, I woke up with terrible symptoms.  Definitely worse.  Dr. C told me to only take 4 capsules instead of 6.  My symptoms worsened throughout the day, and it effected my mood & attitude terribly.

By the time June 1st rolled around, the symptoms were absolutely unbearable.  After explaining everything that went on the day before and how I woke up, he took me off the Metal-X.

Since June 1st, through today, my symptoms have been horrendous.  I've been experiencing terrible headaches, brain fog, difficulty at times formulating my words, tingling in my face, neck, shoulders and shoulder blades, terrible joint, muscle and bone pain.

Dr. C has been researching like crazy trying to come up with another course of treatment to help me.  I'm still waiting for him on that.  He most recently put me on a high dose of Curcumin, to try and help reduce some of this pain.  We'll see if that helps at all.  He mentioned today that the weather plays a huge factor in things (which I knew), and the weather here in New Jersey has been downright lousy.  Rainy, cloudy and cold.

A couple of months or so back, he mentioned me possibly seeing a neurologist.  I asked him if he still thought that might be a direction to go.  He said that he thought it was still a good option, but that we should consult Dr. P and get his clinical opinion {that probably won't happen until my next appointment on 6/27}.  Dr. C then said that we need to keep fighting because I've improved a lot in areas such as weight loss and dumping toxins {which I know}.  He's constantly encouraging me to hang in there; that he's close to being done with his research.  I told him to do what he needed to do, that I'm not giving up by any means, and agree with what he's telling me and doing.

I meant what I said, I'm not giving up by any means.  I didn't come this far to quit.  But, I'm so very frustrated, and oh so very tired.  Tired physically, mentally and emotionally.  Being in pain, from one degree to another, 24/7 for close to five years is no joke.  I'm tired and worn.

H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends

Allaire State Park {5-20-17}

The last thing on our "staycation" agenda was to go bike riding at Allaire State Park.  If you've never been there, Google it and check it out.  It's truly amazing.  We love it there.

I haven't been on a bike ride with my family for over five years.  I set this goal for myself, and really wanted to see it through.  However, all the activities that we had done up to that point wiped me out.  I woke up on Saturday, May 20th in a lot of pain, and told Scott that I didn't think we'd be able to go bike riding.  I was so disappointed.  Not only for myself but for my family.  We were all really looking forward to this trip.

I wound up resting most of the morning, and then late morning decided to take a pain pill late {I needed one the day of our anniversary, before we left and after we got home from Liberty State Park}.  Within an hour or so I started feeling better and told Scott that I think we should go.

So, Scott and Noah loaded our bikes on the bike rack and we were off.  We stopped off at Jersey Mike's to pick up sandwiches for a quick picnic supper {they now how gluten free rolls...YAY for me!}.  When we arrived at Allaire, Scott and Noah unloaded the bikes, we ate and then it was bike riding time.

Our bikes together once again!

Allaire has great paved bike paths.  The saying is true, "Once you learn to ride a bike, you never forget."  I got on my bike, and was able to ride close to a mile before my body gave in.  I was elated not only because I met my goal, but because my family was so happy.  The smiles on their faces spoke volumes to me.  What a feeling!

This is at the end of our ride a nice lady stopped & offered to take our picture.

We had a wonderful time celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary!  We did everything I had planned for us to do.  It was an absolutely perfect "staycation".  I really pushed myself during that week, but I'm not one bit sorry.  We spent a lot of time together and made some amazing memories.  I am so grateful and humbled that God gave me these three amazing people to do life with!  I wouldn't want it any other way.  My cup runneth over and over!!

The Sheldon's Visit Ellis Island and Statue of Liberty {5-19-17}

The day before Scott and I got married we took a get away day trip to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty.  We felt that it was fitting to go back there during our 20th anniversary celebration.

We took the ferry from Liberty State Park (the NJ side).  Our first stop was Ellis Island.  We couldn't believe how busy it was.  I never thought that there would be so many school groups and tourists visiting that day.  Even though it was crowded, we were able to see most of the museum.  Sarah did the "Junior Ranger" program they offered.  That really helped us see key points in the museum.  I told Scott and the kids that we need to go during a time of the year that schools wouldn't be taking trips so that we could focus on the things we didn't get to see.

Ellis Island - Great Hall

Next stop was The Statue of Liberty.  Unfortunately, because of so many school groups and tourists we couldn't get inside The Statue of Liberty to the museum.  That was a real bummer because there is so much great information about Lady Liberty in that museum.  Yet another reason we need to go back!  But, you know the saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  And, lemonade we made.  We enjoyed walking around Liberty Island together.  We took it all in.  The sun.  The magnificent view of the NYC Skyline.  The grandeur of Lady Liberty herself.

The Sheldon's and Lady Liberty

From the moment we arrived at Liberty State Park, my heartstrings were being tugged at.  You see, the last time Scott, Noah and I were there was on September 10, 2001...the day before that terrible day in our nation's history we all know was "9-11".  At that time, Scott's dad was visiting us from California.  We took him to Liberty State Park that day, and did this same exact trip.  As we stood on Liberty Island, my father-in-law kept saying how magnificent the Twin Towers were, and that the last time he was in NYC they weren't even built.  After he said that, I said, "Well, then we should go there tomorrow."  That was our plan leaving Liberty Island on September 10, 2001; to head into the City on September 11, 2001, and go to the top of the Twin Towers.  The next morning, as we were getting ready to embark on our trip, we saw the attacks first hand on television.  And, the rest is of course history.  Being a Jersey Girl, born and raised here, the NYC Skyline is burned into my mind's eye.  Since 9-11, it has been difficult for me to see that iconic skyline any other way.  

When we arrived at Liberty State Park, we were face to face with the new Freedom Tower, which stands in place of the Twin Towers.  As we walked into the park, I was jolted by a memorial that we saw.  It was two beams from the Twin Towers, and two walls that resemble the Twin Towers.  This memorial is affectionately called "Empty Sky - New Jersey September 11th Memorial", and on those walls are engraved the names of all the people from New Jersey who died on that horrific day.  The moment I saw it I burst into tears, and just quietly sobbed as the emotions of that day (and days after) came flooding back.  This memorial was so beautifully done.  It was literally breathtaking.

Empty Sky - New Jersey September 11th Memorial

This trip was so amazing!  I am so grateful that we were able to share all these experiences together as a family.

Celebrating 20 Years!!! {5-18-17}

May 18, 1997...the day we said "I Do".  It was a gorgeous, sunny, warm Sunday afternoon.  Scott and I met each other at Point Pleasant Presbyterian church as single people but left as husband and wife. With an exchange of vows and rings, sealed with a kiss, we were on our way to start our new life together.  Little did we know all those years ago where we would be today.

Mr. & Mrs. Scott Bradley Sheldon

Our 20 years have absolutely been filled with everything our vows said they would be.  We've had many good times, mixed with some bad times...we've walked through plenty of sick times, rejoiced & enjoyed the healthy times...we've relished in richer times, and struggled & prayed through poor times.  We've experienced the passing of dear family and friends...especially three babies that we lost due to miscarriage.  We've rejoiced in the births of our two amazing, wonderful children, and continue to be so overjoyed at the people they have become.  Throughout the past 20 years, in all situations, we've always strived to keep Jesus as the center of our lives, marriage and family.  It is because of Him, His love and sacrifice for us that we have made it to this point of our life together.

May 18, 2017...our 20th Wedding Anniversary...the day we still say "I Do"!!  It was a gorgeous, sunny, warm Thursday evening.  What a thrill it was for me to stand the steps of the church where we left 20 years ago as husband and wife.  I cannot tell you how I felt standing there reminiscing about our wedding day.  All the emotions of that day came flooding back.  I couldn't stop smiling.  I was so happy...and so proud that we've made it to this point of our life together.

Mr. & Mrs. Scott Bradley Sheldon - 20 Years Later!!

When we arrived at the church, we noticed that their sign read "Love Endures".  So very appropriate for us to see on that day!

An absolutely perfect statement for us!!

After we reminisced about our wedding ceremony and took pictures, we left the church to go to our reception site...The Lobster Shanty.

Back when I was planning our wedding, I had picked this place for two reasons.  One because of the location.  It was really close to the church, and the view of the water and sunset are absolutely stunning at this venue.  Secondly, because when Scott and I met it was right around the time the TV show FRIENDS was popular.  There was an episode* where Phoebe told Ross that a relationship with Rachel would happen because she was his lobster.  This episode aired right around the time Scott and I met, and from that moment on we said that we were each other's lobsters.  So, The Lobster Shanty was the absolute perfect place for us to have our wedding reception at.

We enjoyed a wonderful supper at The Lobster Shanty, complete with a gorgeous view of the water and sunset.

After supper, we went to a local coffee shop.  We took our stuff to go, and headed to the inlet.  We sat in our car with the windows down and enjoyed the smell of the ocean, the view of the water and the boats coming in and out of the inlet.

This day was absolutely perfect for us.  Just like our wedding day!!

*Losbster Episode:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyvRjF0NBeM&ab_channel=Transponster

Beach Therapy: Point Pleasant Beach {5-17-17}

I am so behind in blogging!  I cannot believe that we took this trip to the beach over two weeks ago!

Scott and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on May 18th.  Many couples when they hit the 20 year mark celebrate it by going away to some exotic location all by themselves.  Although that thought crossed my mind, the more I thought about it the more I just wanted to spend this time celebrating with our entire family.  We spent five days celebrating our 20th anniversary together on a family "staycation"!

We kicked off our family staycation on May 17th with a picnic supper on Point Pleasant Beach!!

For our celebratory supper, I ordered food from Joe Leone's Italian Specialties & Catering (https://www.joeleones.com/).  We had grilled chicken, grilled vegetables, sausage & peppers, broccoli rabe...and Sarah had a meatball (or two)!  It was A-MAZ-ING!!!

It was pretty windy and cool that night, but that didn't stop us from enjoying our supper and then exploring the jetties and shore line.

This trip including everything I love most on this earth.  My husband...my son...my daughter and my home away from home...the beach!!  What a way to kick off our 20th anniversary celebration!!

Take Me Out To The Ballgame!

My family and I went to First Energy Park in Lakewood to see the Blue Claws game last night.  I was so glad that I was feeling well enough to head out and share this night with my family.

I had heard that Tim Tebow was playing for the other team, and really wanted to get there to see him play.  Every year my husband's office gets season passes and makes them available to their employees.  So, we were able to get tickets on the first base line for last night's game.  So exciting!

It was a beautiful night surrounded by the three people I love the most in this world.

Our seats were awesome!

Tebow Time!!  It was so great to see this amazing young man in person.  I've been following him for a few years.  I appreciate him and what he stands for.  He's a class act!

 

I want to share my personal experience with trying to find "safe food" for me at the ballpark last night.  Most places, including this ballpark, does not allow you to bring in outside food.  The day got away from me, and I didn't eat supper before we went.  I wasn't too concerned because I thought for sure I'd be able to find something.  {Read on to see that I really learned my lesson to plan ahead!!}

Because of the nutrition plan I'm on, I cannot have gluten, dairy or soy {among other things}.  I went to the information booth and asked if there was a place that could accommodate me.  They gave us passes to go to their restaurant which is located where the boxes are.  We went up there, and we were told that we couldn't get something to go.  Since I didn't want to miss 30+ minutes of the game, we went back downstairs to the concession stand.  I saw a turkey burger on the menu, so I decided that's what I would get without the bun.  Well, when I ordered it, I was told that they didn't have any more turkey burgers.  I tried one more place that was cooking hibachi type food thinking I could have them leave off the sauce.  Well, everything was marinated in teriyaki sauce {which has soy in it}.  So, that was out.  I was frustrated and hungry!  But, there was nothing I could do but drink water.

A little while later, my son got up from his seat.  I thought he was going to the restroom but when he came back he had a "to go" box in his hand.  When I opened the box, there was a piece of grilled chicken, two slices of tomato, lettuce, onion, two pickles & fries {which I'm not supposed to have...but had a few...which I won't ever do again.  They were so gross to me!!  YUCK!!}.  I looked at him with tears in my eyes.  I asked him where he got it.  He said that he went back up to the restaurant and asked them if he could order something to go.  They told him yes, and that's what he ordered for me {don't know why we were told at first we couldn't get stuff to go}.  I asked how he paid for it, and he said, "I have money."  {He's a working man now...LOL!}.  And, then I said, you didn't have to do this, and he said, "Yes I did.  You had to eat."

What a sweet act of kindness and service my son gave me last night.  It still overwhelms me of his care and concern for me.  I'm blown away that he used his own money to buy me a safe dinner for me to eat.  I'll never know what I've done to deserve to be his mother!  I'm so glad he's mine!!  My heart is so blessed and encouraged by him.

All in all it was an amazing night with my wonderful family!!  Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of my family and the night that we shared together!