Day 65: Operation HOPE...Doctor's Report & Another Rough Day

I had my two-month follow up appointment with both my nutritionist yesterday.

The appointment went well.  They have this fancy scale that measures weight, fat mass and muscle mass...which is pretty cool.  I'm down a total of 20 pounds; 90% of that is fat loss; and I've gained more muscle mass.

My entire appointment was focused on this tremendous amount of pain and brain fog that I've been experiencing for the last week or so.  He thinks it's because my body isn't taking well to the aggressive detox he's had me on this last month.  He said that some people are really sensitive to detoxing, and that this may be too much for my body to handle all at once.  Detox is an inevitable process for me to get better...but the speed of it {for me} might need to be turned down a little bit.

So, what I'm to do is stop the detox shakes for this week, and my doctor prescribed a natural pain blocker/anti-inflammatory called "Kaprex".  He wants me to take the Kaprex three times a day {with meals}, and not do the detox shakes this week.  I need to evaluate how I'm feeling by next Monday 2/20, and then email him to let him know how I'm doing.  If I'm feeling somewhat better, he'll probably have me continue with the Kaprex, and only do the detox shakes 2-4 times a week (instead of 7 times a week).

So, that was all good...that is until I got home...

When I got home and opened up the Kaprex, I quickly noticed that they smelled horrible and they were the size of horse pills!  {Side Note: I have A LOT of trouble swallowing huge pills.  A LOT.}  This immediately put me in a panic attack.  I took a breath, and decided to call his office {thankfully it was only 4pm at that point}.  I left a message for him and/or his assistant.  

I got a call back within 20 minutes or so.  They said that I could cut it up and put it in my food.  I was not happy about this because remember I said they smelled horrible?  What was this going to do to the taste of my food?  More panic set in.  Tears flowed.  But, I then reminded myself that I would do anything to be out of this pain so I needed to do what I needed to do.

I proceeded to cut it open with a steak knife {more like saw it open}...and the stuff that was in it almost resembled tar.  Yes...TAR.  Thick, smelly, TAR.  I literally had to milk it out of the capsule {that's how thick it was}.  I decided I would put it in applesauce, since that's the way I swallow crushed pills I can't swallow.  I took it and thought I would die.  It was HORRIBLE.  It created a film on my teeth and tongue; the smell made its way to my sinuses.  It was HORRIBLE.  I spent the next 5 minutes in the bathroom dry heaving.  Thankfully, I kept the tar down.  Can't make this stuff up!!

After all that chaos, I had a good sob and some words with God.  I ate my supper...and put myself to bed.

I woke up this morning around 4:30a.  Talked to God some more...cried some more.  Finally got out of bed by 5:45a.  As I was making breakfast, I decided that I would try to swallow the pill while Scott was still home {just in case I couldn't get it down..he's literally had to do the Heimlich on me a few times...that's how bad this is and why I'm so panicked}.  He thought it would be a good idea to try it.  So, I did and it went down with little trouble...Praise God!  I was so relieved; I was crying hysterically because the stress that built up from yesterday {and actually all week with this pain} carried over to this morning, and the fact that I could get it down just made me cry.

I'm in a funk.  I'm just so tired of all this.  I don't feel like doing anything but going back to bed or curling up on the couch.  But, unfortunately, my life doesn't allow me to do that.  I have errands to run...kids to school...meals to make...etc.  Through all this, I've tried to stay positive and focus on the good...but, over the last week or so, all of this has really gotten to be too much for me.  I know that God is faithful...and that He has a plan and a purpose...and will give me the strength to keep going.  He's proven that time and time again.  Right now, though, I only know that in my head...I'm having a hard time translating that to my heart.

Now that I know that I can swallow the supplement, the hope that I'm hanging onto this week is that all this pain will start to subside, the brain fog will lift and I'll be in a better frame of mind and body real soon.

From my lips and heart to God's ears.  May it be.